What do you supress and why? What’s holding you back? What’s standing in the way of your true expression? Is it shame, guilt or fear? What’s the worst thing that could happen if you show the world your true colours? How other people will react, if you speak your mind? If you express your feelings?

For many years, self-love for me equalled self-work. I thought that if I tried hard enough, I’d be better and would love myself more. But this is not love. Love is all encompassing, love is pure presence and the ability to be with what is alive in you here and now, both your light and your shadow.

Love has no expectations. Love is nurturing and full of compassion. She doesn’t judge, instead she offers support. Easier said than done. Society trained us that we should be less like this and more like that, that certain behaviours, ideas or feelings were bad. Hence, we supressed them. Why? Cause as children we needed attachment. We needed our parents to support us, to feed us, to love us. In their own, imperfect way.

We scarified our authenticity. We chose attachment over being true to ourselves. We silenced anything that we thought our parents (or any other significant adults in our live) did not accept. We tried so hard to fit in. We disconnected from our bodies and our hearts.

This was a healthy and valid choice. It helped us to survive, to be fed, loved and supported, we could not do differently, we did our best. And so did our parents. This is not about blame, shame or guilt. This is an opportunity to reconnect with our inner children, offer them love and let them express all these intense feelings they weren’t able to externalise.

Now’s the time. How long will you stay away from yourself? How long will you repeat same vicious unconscious cycles of your childhood trauma? I resonate with the below quote:

“Trauma is a psychic wound that hardens you psychologically and then interferes with your ability to grow and develop. It pains you and now you’re acting out of pain. It induces fear and now you’re acting out of fear. Trauma is not what happens to you, it’s what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you. Trauma is that scarring that makes you less flexible, more rigid, less feeling and more defended.”

Gabor Maté

One of the misconceptions about trauma is that it only happens to others, or that it needs to be really serious, like sexual abuse, physical violence or that it only originates in profoundly dysfunctional families or environments (addictions, war zones, etc.). Yes, this is all trauma, but trauma is also a lot more.

Recently I watched a documentary called “The Wisdom of Trauma” and I loved it! It featured people suffering from trauma (many are or were homeless addicts or ended up in jail), social workers and medical doctor Gabor Maté. I liked the way doctor Maté described addictions: as coping mechanisms, rather than genetic disorders. This film is mind and heart opening, informative and profoundly human. I encourage you to watch it as soon as you can!

I believe that trauma informed society is a healthier society, where we tackle root cause of many issues like drugs, consumerism, or workaholism.

Addictions (including emotional co-dependency), according to Gabor Maté, numb inner pain, caused mostly by childhood difficult experiences (trauma). They provide temporary relief, yet they bring along many challenges: financial, relational, and health-wise. To better understand this concept, watch this short video entitled “How Childhood Trauma Leads to Addiction”.

The only way OUT is IN. The solution lies within your own heart. When supressed emotions come to the surface, you’ll learn how to be with them, instead of going away and searching relief via your usual coping mechanisms. You’ll learn how to be in touch with your body, heart and soul. You’ll learn how to love yourself. All parts of your unique being: the bad, the good and the ugly (according to your own judgment).

Being supported by a professional therapist is vital. They will hold a safe space for you to reconnect with yourself, express what needs to be expressed, learn from it and release it. It’s a deep process, simple yet not easy. It requires trust, commitment and courage. And it’s worth it.

Someone wise once said: “the issues are in our tissues”. Supressed emotions stay in our bodies. Expressing and releasing old emotions (we have layers and layers of these, at least me!), frees our bodies. It’s a path to true liberation. And no, once on this journey, you won’t become a monk and experience only peace and joy. Rather you’ll become more human and more connected to your heart and body. You’ll feel more. You’ll become more vulnerable but also stronger. You’ll learn that expressing your feelings is a skill, act of courage and that it’s worth it.

Below you’ll find a poem that I wrote after watching the film. Hope you’ll enjoy it!

Being present to yourself is an act of self-love. Wishing you peace and courage to express what is alive in you! Day in and day out!

Love,
Paulina

“If one has courage, nothing can dim the light which shines from within.“

Maya Angelou

Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor, please consult your healthcare provider, prior to using any of the tips mentioned in the article.

Lire la suite