“And now let us welcome the new year, full of things that never were.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke
How your 2019 have been so far? Mine was dynamic and intense. Maybe my outbursts of laughter or tears will never stop? Looking at my beautiful mum, I may have inherited a gene making my mood dance like a crazy unicorn. 😀
I wish us all a wonderful New Year and…
The courage to be true to ourselves
To not seek approval outside of our own hearts
To follow our instincts
To keep faith – always – especially when it’s hard
To live fully, fiercely, intensely
To live well
To love with our whole hearts
To commit to what matters and re-commit every day, in spite of having no guarantees
To take risks and be brave
To own both our strengths and shadows
To express our emotions, to feel and honour them
To be gentle with ourselves and other beings
To enjoy space, to declutter, to remove the non-essential
To remember that nothing and no one belongs to us and yet we belong to everything
To value our relationships and people in our lives
To go for our dreams, one step at a time
To create and build
To explore more of this beautiful place (new territories, cultures, tastes, smells, books, songs, ah!)
To believe that we are enough, deeply loved and that life celebrates itself through us
To grow, learn and remain innocent, pure, curious and fresh in spirit
To remain in peace and remember to breathe, when things are turbulent and tough
To flourish and to shine
To let our souls guide us
To have fun in the process
To en-JOY and dance
To live, feel and be here and now, unapologetically, truly, humbly.
The older I get, the more I honour vulnerability, both in me and others:
“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.” ~ Brené Brown
Fuerza, la familia – we are all in this together! Have a bright and blessed New Year! 😀
“Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong.” ~ Lao Tzu
“Love is a living, breathing thing. There is no need to force it to grow in a particular direction. If we start by being easy and gentle with ourselves, we will find it is just there inside of us, solid and healing.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
“Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness.” ~ Allen Ginsberg
« The birth of all things is weak and tender; and therefore we should have our eyes intent on beginnings. » ~ Michel de Montaigne
Hola la familia! 25th of October was my birthday. So grateful for all the lovely wishes, it made me feel loved and special! 😀 I had a delicious dinner and lots of extraordinary red wine with 2 beautiful ladies. Ah! These few past days were intense, both cheerful and challenging. Full moon played its role here, I guess! As every year, it is now time to wrap up, celebrate and make space for the new!
Life is short and a gift that we unpack, create and allow daily. I have my ups and downs, at times I feel vulnerable, overstressed or lonely, but with age (it really sounds like I am getting older!), I feel so much more at peace with myself, others and life itself. I have dreams and a clear direction. I am in love and learning to love deeply and well (this one may take me a few life times!).
I am grateful for sweet presence of beautiful and inspiring people around me. I like my job, most of the time, typically after 10 am when my brain starts to wake up! 😀 I feel supported by friends, family and wise people who I call, when trouble comes. I learn new things every day. I know what makes me feel alive and I try to do it often: dance, movement, art, poetry, music, languages (Arabic and Spanish – may God grant me with patience and discipline to learn them slowly but surely!), nurturing open interactions, travel and spiritual inquiries!
I try to keep balance between some sort of positive routine (security – yes, I need you!) and being spontaneous, adventurous and a little crazy (I got it after my one and only mum). Revolutions are not part of my temper but I can feel in my bones that something is waking up and this New Year will bring some fresh new stuff. Curious what will come my way. I have some ideas, but it is better not to know, surprises are good. 😀
Recently, when I had an intense, sad and a desperate lonely moment, I promised myself to listen to my soul (sounds strange, but this is what came up!). When it feels right in my heart, then it is probably the best thing to do. Please wish me courage. Vive la folie douce! Love to all of you. And love to me too, indeed, joyful gentle love is the best soul food available in store, à volonté, olé! 😀
Please see below a poem I wrote recently. I value space and emptiness more and more. They are so pure and liberating, hope you will enjoy!
Love,
Pau
« I have a great curiosity to see new things, but not to own them. It’s very peaceful this way, and one of the nice things about getting older. » ~ Lee Radziwill
South of Spain.
Miss emptiness
I fear you
I honour you
I want you
Please feel welcome
Come, come, come to me
Be my guest
Or rather allow me to be yours
For a brief cup of tea
Let me feel
Your freedom
Lightness of being
Innocence of now
Take everything
Remove all the layers
Wants, desires, fears, attachments
Labels, illusions and aspirations
Put everything to the sacred fire
Let it burn, burn, burn
Let it go, go, go
So that I can simply be
In this vast spaciousness
In this pure openness
In here and now
I am on my way home
Leaving my suitcase behind
No keys, no wallet, no passport
I am naked and my heart is open
Ready to jump into the abyss
Of no-thing
I am afraid – deep down
I know that life will catch me
I trust you miss emptiness
You are so dense with life
Your dance is so full of light
You are breathing yourself in and out
In an endless wind of joy
Blue sky. Poland.
« My witness is the empty sky. » ~ Jack Kerouac
Belleville. Paris.
“One just needs a little alertness to see and find out: life is really a great cosmic laughter.” ~ Osho
Art in Paris.
“Don’t seek, don’t search, don’t ask, don’t knock, don’t demand, relax. If you relax it comes, if you relax it is there. If you relax, you start vibrating with it.” ~ Osho
My lovely sisters and I. Poland.
“Creativity is the greatest rebellion in existence.” ~ Osho
Nice sound to finish with. I love it. It feels like warm sunny wind on my skin and make me want to travel far away! 😀
***
Thank you! Feel free to share and let me know your thoughts!
« Don’t force anything. Let life be a deep let go. » ~ Eileen Caddy
My beloved London, in 2017 I was lucky enough to live with you for a very brief while. I was both stressed and grateful, while falling asleep and waking up in your classy arms. I would love to learn more of your lingo, walk again through your frenetic streets decorated with colourful breath-taking art pieces. I want to taste more of your take away surprising dishes and explore your clubs, coffee shops and peaceful sacred spots. I would like to dance at your glory, go to your concerts, run through your parks and gracefully squeeze in your crowded tube. {I am a little size – it is ok if it is tight!} Yes, I am afraid; we do not know each other very well. But I simply cannot ignore my drive to explore and connect. I want to meet your people. I want to lose myself in your hectic and noisy melting pot. One way or another, I will be back. Maybe for a couple of days, a few months or even longer, who knows? Hope you don’t mind? 😉 Anyway, thank you so much for having me, really appreciated the whole bitter-sweet intense and enriching experience!
Magnificent piece of street art on Hanbury Street by artist Dale Grimshaw
« The best bribe which London offers today to the imagination, is, that, in such a vast variety of people and conditions, one can believe there is room for persons of romantic character to exist, and that the poet, the mystic, and the hero may hope to confront their counterparts. » ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
I wrote a (not very) sophisticated poem, voilà!
***
London chéri
You are so damn expensive (oh shit!*)
This is how you test someone’s commitment to build a lasting partnership
Many brave hearts play with destiny to get a sense
Of your crazy, intense and colourful spirit
Full of smiley faces and exotic accents
(They all find a common ground after a few drinks)
You are extravagant, sweet, free and fresh
(Also because of the rain, your sky is so capricious and dramatic)
You are hectic, eclectic and business oriented
Yet, you host so many places of worship
Where people pray in countless ways
With same pure, infinite beauty
You taste like a delicious mixture of best dishes from around the globe
I love your vibrant, funky look when you dress to impress on a dance floor
(You never wear tights, I am not sure why)
You politely point out where to look while crossing the street
And how many seconds are left to get to the other side safely
Yet, you make us all feel like non-diagnosed dyslexics
Or headless chickens running against the clock
London – I miss you and your freaky folks
Plus our romantic random lonely walks
Bear with me ~ I’ll be back! Me enamoré
***
* Nom de Dieu
A few pictures + a few quotes, enjoy!
« It is not what you say that matters. It is what you are and how you live. » ~ Eileen Caddy
“Wild Warrior Women will save the world.” ~ Rune Lazuli
Tower BridgeThe Queen’s TheatreCamden TownCamden Town chicPure crazy joy at Camden Town (!!)Brick Lane MarketNear Brick Lane MarketLucky tube stationHyde Park, picture by Virginie Petorin: https://www.virginiepetorin.co.uk/
« Let there be more joy and laughter in your living. » ~ Eileen Caddy
Thanks for reading, what about you – any countries, cities or places that you want to explore? I wish you enjoy yourself and feel home (free + safe + Wi-Fi), wherever you are. 😉
« Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes. » ~ Walt Whitman
I wrote the below piece some time ago. It still touches me deeply. My relationship with commitment is ambiguous. I am full of paradoxes. I want to build, I want long term goals, stability and, at the very same time, I cherish freedom, spontaneity and space for new adventures. I celebrate life exactly as it is here and now and I aim high, both for myself and others. Needless to say it is a little bit chaotic from time to time! 🙂 Playing with this complexity is a tricky game. Balance is a myth. We are all work in progress. As long as we grow, move forward and make adjustments, all is fine. I have no answers or tips. I believe life is a mystery and we all learn through experience rather than intellect. Before, I was trying to stop the pain, hide from the darkness that I could sense coming from a big black hole inside me. Now, I let myself go more and more. I trust the process, my guts and my vulnerability. Thanks God there is dance, music, sun, wind, daylight, water, poetry, art, laughter and warm hearts around me. And there is chocolate. Someone has planned the whole experience pretty well. 🙂
“Love so deeply that even the darkness feels welcomed.” ~ Rune Lazuli
Somewhere between trust and let go
I feel grateful and at peace.
It is good to be committed to a relationship, a job or a company.
It is good to be committed to one’s own growth, desires, needs, projects, dreams and hopes.
It is good to be committed to oneself, to here and now, to life.
Not for as to control, possess or improve.
But to grow, nurture, accept and thus fully enjoy, celebrate and cherish.
The one and only thing that will occur for sure is change.
So let’s appreciate what happens to us now. It shall pass.
So let’s commit, in spite of uncertainty, without attachment to a specific result, just for the sake of love.
So let’s move gently with the flow, and enjoy the now, and the new.
So let’s have some fun, even though there will be pain too.
This is the price of living passionately.
This is the price of commitment.
And there will be sweet and spicy surprises too.
We have come full circle. The vicious or the virtuous one?
A matter of perspective.
“To be creative means to be in love with life. You can be creative only if you love life enough that you want to enhance its beauty, you want to bring a little more music to it, a little more poetry to it, a little more dance to it.” ~ Osho
“This is going to sound crazy. Say yes to everything. Accept all offers. Go along with the plan. Support someone else’s dream. Say « yes »; « right »; « sure »; « I will »; « okay »; « of course »; « YES! » Cultivate all the ways you can imagine to express affirmation. When the answer to all questions is yes, you enter a new world, a world of action, possibility, and adventure.” ~ Patricia Ryan Madson
“Love me when I am rain, hold me when I am fire.” ~ Rune Lazuli
Long time no speak, happy to be back and wising you All a lovely 2018!
Please see below a poem and a few quotes from Rune Lazuli, a young female poet whose words go straight to my heart, she is so inspiring and I love her bitter sweet, authentic style. She is on Instagram and Facebook. You may want to check out her work!
Best Wishes and have fun! 😀
Love,
Pau
***
I don’t need you (to)
I don’t need you to be perfect
I find it sexy when you do not know
How to answer my stubborn questions
I find it charming when you doubt
And show your scars
I don’t want long-term promises
Or big beautiful words
I want patience
I want presence
I want prayer
I want commitment to here and now
And authentic joyful
Bitter-sweet chaos
I don’t search for a perfect equation
I accept uncertainty
Provided that there is aliveness
That there is movement
That there is total acceptance
And an open heart, especially when it hurts
I want us to blossom somewhere
In between right or wrong
Black or white
In the graceful clumsy dance
Of two souls
Who accidentally looked into each other’s eyes
***
“Your strength is measured in your ability to smile.” ~ Rune Lazuli
“To be a poet is to be wildly vulnerable.
It is to comfortably reveal your most violent scars.”
Rune Lazuli
“The way in which you choose to heal is beautiful.” ~ Rune Lazuli
“We are the granddaughters of the witches they were not able to burn.” ~ Unknown
To finish with style, one of my favourite songs ever, enjoy! 😉
“To exist is to dare to throw oneself into the world.” ~ Simone de Beauvoir
Dears,
Life is seasonal, impermanent and unpredictable. Simple and obvious, yet not always easy! I wrote this poem some time ago, while I was going through a transition phase. Back to square one: more changes are ahead of me! I feel happy-sad, grateful and curious. I trust that life will bring me more beautiful surprises and that the best is yet to come. Or rather: the best and only way is to enjoy here and now to the fullest, until you feel the urge to move again. It is like a dance, shall we? 😀
Love,
Pau
“I love rainstorms… the thunder, lightning, wind, all of it. So much going on at once, so many emotions… just like me.” ~ April Mae Monterrosa
***
In between moments
When you leave xyz behind
Saying “merde” and “merci”
(or the other way round)
And slowly but surely
You open the door
To the wild emptiness
Where there is no thing
Only nothing
Pure being
No projects, no intention, no tension
Joyful, unpredictable NOW
Some wishes and hopes
Loosely attached to your open heart
You let yourself be burned
By the caring transition fire
And then you allow the fresh shower of sorrow
To cool you down a little
You clean, declutter and surrender
You have no choice
But to jump in trust
Eyes wide open
You are ready
To let the old go
And slowly let the new
Sink in nicely
You can rest now
And have a soft
(Or a hard) drink*
You simply are
Experiencing, expressing and allowing
LIFE
Cheers!
***
*Let’s say Polish vodka!
“Honour the space between no longer and not yet.” ~ Nancy Levin
***
As always – BIG thank you for reading, sharing and for your precious feedback! 😀
Paris -> Vilnius ->Eišiškės ->Trakai -> Kapadokya ->Istanbul -> Paris
« Before you cross the street take my hand. Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans. » ~ John Lennon – Beautiful Boy
Happy mailbox in Vilnius, Užupis.
This was THE trip: 11 days, 5+ cities, 5 flights, 8 kg of luggage, a small cabin backpack and nearly the same outfit during the whole trip (too chilly to dress like a queen haha). For me, it was one BIG adventure. 😀 I was scared to death before leaving my cosy Parisian apartment as I have never travelled alone for more than a few days and without a full plan. I still cannot believe that I did it! What happened was magic and it was the best present I could have hoped for. I feel lucky and grateful.
Lithuania – back to the source.
« Life is more beautiful than prudence » ~ Abbé Pierre
Lithuania, Eišiškės – so green and peaceful.
My journey started in charming and green Vilnius – city of angels who fly at low altitude and (of course!) high speed. My goal was to learn more about my roots.
I rented a car and travelled to the city where my dad was born – Eišiškės. I made a tour of the village, asking questions, meeting locals and searching for a distant cousin or at least some more information on my dad’s childhood. One encounter leading to another, I finally end up in a small house, sitting on a couch with a lovely old couple. The lady’s mom’s maiden name was the same as my dad’s surname. I was a total stranger to them, coming out of the blue, but they treated me like their own daughter, gave me a big-long-warm hug and a kiss. They patiently answered all my questions, showed me a few family pictures and wished me the best of luck for the rest of my trip. I felt honoured and welcome.
I also (finally) understood the meaning of my surname. Indeed, in Poland, where I was born it sounds awkward. In Lithuania, however, it carries a sense. A deep one, haha. “Be dugno” means “without bottom” and “bedugnė” translates into “an abyss”. Hmm, let’s jump in, shall we?! 😀
I even learned (totally by accident!) that there was a village called “Bedugnė”, 60 km from Eišiškės. I did not go there, next time! Who knows, maybe my father’s family comes from there?
I also travelled to Trakai, a pleasant town near Vilnius, famous for its beautiful lakes and a castle. Is also known for the Karaims – people speaking the Turkic language, who have lived there since the 14th century and have preserved their traditions, including food. The most popular dish is kibinai – a small pasty stuffed with minced meat or vegetables. I tried it, of course! It offered me a perfect foretaste of my imminent trip to Turkey.
My stay in « the Jerusalem of the North » was a real treat! I tasted 3 totally different beetroot soups in 2 days, ate the best pancakes ever, drank delicious local beer, discussed about life, sang polish folkloric songs and was touched to tears by a beautiful poem of a lovely Ukrainian artist and graphic designer, who was in love with Vilnius and kind enough to be my companion and private paparazzi during my trip to Eišiškės. Arita, you rock!
Lithuania smelled, tasted and felt home, ačiū and hope to be back soon!
Turkey – from Kapadokya to Istanbul.
“And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.” ~ Erica Jong
Somewhere above Turkey.
Turkey was a totally different story. I started my trip by booking a domestic flight to Kapadokya, a historical region in Central Anatolia known for its unique rock-cut temples, houses, beautiful valleys and underground cities. I stayed in a pleasant hotel near Göreme, recommended by Moroccan Nomad – very good travel website in French.
My dream was to participate in a hot-air balloon flight. I did it! At first, it was scary. Indeed, the balloon itself is HUGE, the basket, on the other hand, is pretty small and you fly high! Hopefully I was not totally conscious of the danger as they woke me up at 4 am. However, I fully trusted the pilot as I had a competent local guide who recommended a good company and offered a very competitive price. Teşekkür, Umut, yourself and your wife made my stay in Kapadokya relaxing and enjoyable, not to mention the delicious food!
I visited a few valleys and the Derinkuyu underground city. It felt so peaceful and liberating to see real open landscapes, instead of a casual open space in my office, regardless of how high tech and well-designed it is. Eating a breakfast on a sunny terrace with a view was priceless!
The next and final stop was Istanbul. I visited Hagia Sophia (under reconstruction, yet still impressive!), the Blue Mosque and the Galata Mawlavi House Museum. This is the oldest Mawlavi house in Istanbul or a temple for Islamic Sufi believers, also known as tall hatted Whirling Dervishes. Sadly, I did not see an authentic Whirling Dervish dance performance. Next time in Turkey I will make sure to come to Konya to check it out! I so much enjoy visiting sacred places, in both Vilnius and Istanbul there were plenty of them.
That being said, while in Istanbul, I also went to the business district, where I had a lunch with my colleagues. Video conferences are good, but face to face meetings are better! I proudly used my access card to enter the local office. I also grabbed a snack from the pantry. 😀
During the whole travel, I came across many great free spirits from all walks of life. The people I met and the time spent together made this trip truly memorable. I learned so much. It opened my eyes and gave me a fresh and totally new outlook on my current situation (which is pretty good, thanks, God!).
I took every possible mean of transportation (ships rock!). I walked like crazy, climbed every hill and entered every cave I could (the more difficult it was the better!). I enjoyed delicious food and drinks in charming company. I went to Turkish baths (unique experience, especially the bubble wash!). I laughed so much, I felt like a joyful, adventurous child discovering the world for the very first time.
Parisian jungle – going back home.
« The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes. » ~ Marcel Proust
Parisian street art.
Coming back to work was not that bad. My Italian boss knows how to talk to me: “you were missed”. Oh, merci! I am very grateful to have a decent and interesting job so that I can spoil myself with such magic moments. Actually, I will need to check, but it did not cost that much. I mainly stayed in youth hostels (Downtown Forest & Orient) and had very good prices, especially in Turkey where people currently travel much less due to political reasons. 🙁 I can only say that I felt safe and had no issues at all, except being invited to every single restaurant I was passing near to, as, of course; it was absolutely the best in town and I could expect a special personal discount! 🙂
Words cannot express the joy, freedom and peace I felt during this trip. I was touched many times by the beauty of nature, architecture and people’s stories. I connected to the wild, adventurous and brave part of myself. I am a nomad. We all are. We are not meant to stay in front of the same screen, regardless of how high-tech and big it is, for 10+ years, checking e-mails and resolving tickets (those who work in big companies will understand!). Again, I am very grateful to be a part of an international team in a solid firm that offers great opportunities. Yet, my soul yearns for fresh air, new experiences, adventures and surprises. While looking back at this short and intense trip, I would not change a thing; maybe, I could only be a bit braver, crazier and trusted life and people even more? I consider myself curious and sociable; however, I am still learning to have both my heart and mind open to different people, ideas and experiences.
If you hesitate and are afraid of going somewhere new, then it may be the very exact thing you should do. Be alert. Act prudently, especially that sadly terrorist attacks become common in various destinations globally. Gather all the pieces of information you need ahead of time and then simply trust that everything will go right or even better. As it will!
Love,
Pau
***
Please find below more pictures from my trip. Enjoy, thanks for reading, sharing and your precious feedback!
***
Vilnius – city of angels who fly at low altitude and the lovely car that we rented.
Vilnius, shop window – self-portrait. 😀
Eišiškės – my happy face, while waiting for some guidance to find my distant cousins! Credit goes to Arita Golub.
Eišiškės – the house where I found my distant cousins, it felt incredible.
Vilnius – beetroot soup – delicious and fresh!!
Trakai – its beautiful lake and castle.
Kapadokya – jumping for joy! Credit goes to Talieh Zarab Zadeh, merci, chérie!
Kapadokya, Göreme – food & drinks! Guys – it was great to have you around. 🙂 Credit goes to Talieh Zarab Zadeh.
Kapadokya – hot-air balloon flight, breathing in the space!
Kapadokya – wandering around.
Kapadokya – babouchkas! 😀
Kapadokya – rock-cut temple, one of many.
Istanbul, Orient hostel – view from the rooftop café, ah!
It has been a long time, since my last article! I wish I had something witty, wise and important to say, but this is it! Hope you will enjoy! 🙂
If it does not match how you presently feel, especially, if you are going through a tough challenge, I am with you, you have my full support.
I am simply sharing my current experience. Expressing my feelings nourishes my soul, makes me joyful and brings me peace.. 🙂
Thank you for passing by.
Love,
Pau
« The road to enlightenment is long and difficult, and you should try not to forget snacks and magazines. » ~ Anne Lamott
Party time
What if life was a big joke?
(Be aware – Big Brother is watching you)
What if God had sense of humour?
What if you had a starring role in a comedy movie?
So let’s playfully play fools
And with a light-open heart
Cherish each moment
Let’s pretend we know the script
Let’s have principles and then break all the rules
Let’s boldly play with fate
Have both fun and faith
With a peaceful pinch of craziness
(It is vital for your mental health)
Show must go on so let’s go baby
Put on your best suit and let’s dance
It is your surprise party
It is your stage-time
The audience is waiting
The music is playing
If you feel nervous
Follow my advice
Get a little tipsy or better – really drunk
I promise, it is worth trying
(In case you have never done it)
At some point, by magic
You will start giggling
Without being able to stop
Your laughter will get louder and louder
And will spread like a wildfire
Gently dissolving every obstacle on its way
***
Finally, one day you will die quietly
You laughed and you loved
It is a happy-sweet-predictable-end
We are all the same
Aren’t we?
***
***
Please find below a lovely video from one of my dear masters – Mooji. I love his warm, cheerful energy. Relax, this is not too serious, just enjoy the laughter! Watch out, it is contagious! 🙂
***
“It doesn’t matter how you pray – with your head bowed in silence, or crying out in grief, or dancing. Churches are good for prayer, but so are garages and cars and mountains and showers and dance floors.” ~ Anne Lamott
P.S. Thanks for reading, sharing, writing a comment and for your precious feedback! 🙂
