What You Feel, You Heal

4 juillet 20214 juillet 2021 Paulina Biedugnis Laisser un commentaire

What do you supress and why? What’s holding you back? What’s standing in the way of your true expression? Is it shame, guilt or fear? What’s the worst thing that could happen if you show the world your true colours? How other people will react, if you speak your mind? If you express your feelings?

For many years, self-love for me equalled self-work. I thought that if I tried hard enough, I’d be better and would love myself more. But this is not love. Love is all encompassing, love is pure presence and the ability to be with what is alive in you here and now, both your light and your shadow.

Love has no expectations. Love is nurturing and full of compassion. She doesn’t judge, instead she offers support. Easier said than done. Society trained us that we should be less like this and more like that, that certain behaviours, ideas or feelings were bad. Hence, we supressed them. Why? Cause as children we needed attachment. We needed our parents to support us, to feed us, to love us. In their own, imperfect way.

We scarified our authenticity. We chose attachment over being true to ourselves. We silenced anything that we thought our parents (or any other significant adults in our live) did not accept. We tried so hard to fit in. We disconnected from our bodies and our hearts.

This was a healthy and valid choice. It helped us to survive, to be fed, loved and supported, we could not do differently, we did our best. And so did our parents. This is not about blame, shame or guilt. This is an opportunity to reconnect with our inner children, offer them love and let them express all these intense feelings they weren’t able to externalise.

Now’s the time. How long will you stay away from yourself? How long will you repeat same vicious unconscious cycles of your childhood trauma? I resonate with the below quote:

“Trauma is a psychic wound that hardens you psychologically and then interferes with your ability to grow and develop. It pains you and now you’re acting out of pain. It induces fear and now you’re acting out of fear. Trauma is not what happens to you, it’s what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you. Trauma is that scarring that makes you less flexible, more rigid, less feeling and more defended.”
Gabor Maté

One of the misconceptions about trauma is that it only happens to others, or that it needs to be really serious, like sexual abuse, physical violence or that it only originates in profoundly dysfunctional families or environments (addictions, war zones, etc.). Yes, this is all trauma, but trauma is also a lot more.

Recently I watched a documentary called “The Wisdom of Trauma” and I loved it! It featured people suffering from trauma (many are or were homeless addicts or ended up in jail), social workers and medical doctor Gabor Maté. I liked the way doctor Maté described addictions: as coping mechanisms, rather than genetic disorders. This film is mind and heart opening, informative and profoundly human. I encourage you to watch it as soon as you can!

I believe that trauma informed society is a healthier society, where we tackle root cause of many issues like drugs, consumerism, or workaholism.

Addictions (including emotional co-dependency), according to Gabor Maté, numb inner pain, caused mostly by childhood difficult experiences (trauma). They provide temporary relief, yet they bring along many challenges: financial, relational, and health-wise. To better understand this concept, watch this short video entitled “How Childhood Trauma Leads to Addiction”.

The only way OUT is IN. The solution lies within your own heart. When supressed emotions come to the surface, you’ll learn how to be with them, instead of going away and searching relief via your usual coping mechanisms. You’ll learn how to be in touch with your body, heart and soul. You’ll learn how to love yourself. All parts of your unique being: the bad, the good and the ugly (according to your own judgment).

Being supported by a professional therapist is vital. They will hold a safe space for you to reconnect with yourself, express what needs to be expressed, learn from it and release it. It’s a deep process, simple yet not easy. It requires trust, commitment and courage. And it’s worth it.

And you, what are you supressing? What parts of you are yearning for your love and need a voice? Become radically honest with yourself. What is alive in you here and now? How do you feel? When did you feel this for the first time? Does this come from your childhood?

Someone wise once said: “the issues are in our tissues”. Supressed emotions stay in our bodies. Expressing and releasing old emotions (we have layers and layers of these, at least me!), frees our bodies. It’s a path to true liberation. And no, once on this journey, you won’t become a monk and experience only peace and joy. Rather you’ll become more human and more connected to your heart and body. You’ll feel more. You’ll become more vulnerable but also stronger. You’ll learn that expressing your feelings is a skill, act of courage and that it’s worth it.

Below you’ll find a poem that I wrote after watching the film. Hope you’ll enjoy it!

Being present to yourself is an act of self-love. Wishing you peace and courage to express what is alive in you! Day in and day out!

Love,
Paulina

Your greatest teachers

The way you cope is beautiful
How you deal with your suffering
Touches me deeply
It feels somehow familiar
We’re all in this together
We’re human species – not machines
There’s no shame
There’s much more space and strength in your heart
Then you think

Your pain does not make you a bad person
You have the right to suffer and the right to heal
Your trauma created a persona
But it’s not the real you
You’re pure, innocent and invincible

Allow life to guide you
Wake up – become radically honest
Do not disconnect anymore
Take one tiny step in the right direction
Trust the process
Go within

Show up for yourself and your kids
They will suffer for sure, c’est la vie
So you’d better teach them
How to embrace their humanity
How not to resist the pain anymore
But rather hold it, hear it, be with it
So that it’s processed and digested fully

This is food for the soul
And nourishment for the heart
Pain and trauma are your greatest teachers
They’ll keep coming back
Until you finally decide to listen

So don’t waist a second
Time’s up
Breathe in, breathe out
Welcome your emotional, vulnerable and bodily nature
Connect with the part of you who needs your love
Mother yourself, be the father you wanted so badly

The hurt and the cure lie both within
You hold the keys to your own prison
Open the door and leap in the dark
The universe will catch you
Let the sun defrost your past
You don’t need to repeat the cycle anymore

And yes, it’s a journey that never ends
So enjoy it and be brave
Trust your inner wisdom
The next step is all you need
Remember – you are a life’s playground
She explores, experiments and discovers herself through you

What remains when resentment, rage and regrets are finally purged?
When the energy is released, cleared and honoured?
Your unique light shines brighter than ever
No longer afraid of your own shadow
You become whole again
This is the sweet perfume of your essence
This is presence
Amen

“If one has courage, nothing can dim the light which shines from within.“
Maya Angelou

Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor, please consult your healthcare provider, prior to using any of the tips mentioned in the article.

5 Myths About Anger and Why They Make Me Mad

16 mai 202118 mai 2021 Paulina Biedugnis Laisser un commentaire

I was furious, I yelled at them and called them names. I threw a couple of objects onto the floor and left. It happens to me rarely, yet it did happen recently (mid-May 2021, such a memorable day!). I felt guilty, embarrassed, and I wished I could turn back the hands of time and choose a different response. It was like an emotional hangover, very unpleasant. I took a firm decision: it ain’t gonna happen again! Sounds familiar? Should we throw anger out of the window, ban it and declare it’s guilty of all social and political issues…? I don’t think so. Here are 5 myths about anger.

Street Art - Belleville Paris — Street Art – Belleville, Paris

Myth #1: Anger is useless

Anger, as all emotions, has its place in our lives. Without anger, we wouldn’t be able to protect ourselves, set boundaries, challenge the status quo or fight for our rights. Anger is an energy and all energy can be transformed. We all can turn fury into a force for good:

“If you’re not angry, you’re either a stone, or you’re too sick to be angry. You should be angry. You must not be bitter. Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. It doesn’t do anything to the object of its displeasure. So use that anger, yes. You write it. You paint it. You dance it. You march it. You vote it. You do everything about it. You talk it. Never stop talking it.”
Maya Angelou

You have the right to be angry. Use it as fuel and create something new. Support the disadvantaged and the underdog, start a movement or make art, furiously. 😁

Myth #2: Anger is toxic

Anger is a natural physiological and emotional reaction to injustice or threat. Your body knows how to deal with it. So don’t stop it, hide it, or squeeze it. Instead, admit it, feel it, and communicate it, preferably in a more responsible way than I did 😁. Unexpressed or supressed anger is toxic. Pretending that nothing happened and keeping a smile on your face, when your blood is boiling, does not do you any service.

Myth #3: Anger is dangerous

As a kid, I saw adults fighting (verbally, I’m not talking about box ;). They screamed, cursed and hurt each other emotionally. Hence, I linked anger to danger. Maybe this is why it took me ages before I allowed myself to express it. I was afraid to cause harm. I’m still learning how to communicate frustration in an intelligent way and before it gets overwhelming. Anger can be clean and precise. It does not need to be loud, violent or abusive. Yes, getting anrgy in a right way is an Art!

Myth #4: Anger is the opposite of forgiveness

It seems absurd to get mad at the person we’re trying to forgive, yet, “there is no forgiveness without rage”, as says Holocaust survivor Dr. Edith Eger in her interview with Larry King. This incredible woman is a clinical psychologist and lecturer, and she speaks from experience. Other experts back her up. Anger is necessary to forgive:

“One reason why forgiveness can be so difficult is we often believe that in order to find peace through forgiveness, we need to reject our anger. However, the true key to embracing forgiveness and its many benefits actually lies not in rejecting our anger but rather in listening to and understanding our anger as a necessary and useful emotion.”
Michael Friedman, Ph.D. (from an online article “Why We Must Listen to Our Anger to Achieve Forgiveness”)

Angry? Yes, it’s uncomfortable, but you’re on your way to peace. Don’t take shortcuts, feel it, allow it and let it heal you. Please. 💜

Myth #5: If you want to be spiritual, avoid anger at all costs

As an evolved being, you’ll only experience peace, you’ll be forever grateful, kind to all life forms and filled with love. This is rubbish. You’ll become more aware of your needs, wants, desires and emotions, including fear, sadness or anger. Please don’t transform yourself into a doormat so that people can walk all over you. Loosing yourself in order to please others is not spiritual. Letting others disrespect you isn’t either. As says Anand Mehrotra, author and yoga teacher, when we grow:

“Anger becomes fierceness, we don’t become placid. Some people have this very strange idea that enlightenment is hyper-politeness. This is idiotic”.

Clear, right?! I couldn’t agree more.

What if anger was both natural and necessary? What if it could be transformed into as a force for good? And you, what do you think of anger? How do you channel this powerful energy?

Leave a comment and share this article with all your (furious) friends. Thank you! 😁

Wishing you peace and sense of empowerment,

With love,
Paulina

“I don’t know a perfect person. I only know flawed people who are still worth loving.”
John Green

Do you prefer ice cream or to scream? Befriend your emotions.

12 mai 202116 mai 2021 Paulina Biedugnis Laisser un commentaire

“Boys don’t cry”, “Pretty girls don’t get angry”, “Shut up and sit”, or “Life’s cruel – you’d better grow a thick skin.” Did you hear those words as a child? If so, you’re not alone. Many of us learn that vulnerability is a form of weakness. Later, in a work environment, we discover that expressing our emotions is unprofessional. Hence, we numb our feelings: we go shopping, get busy, drink too much Piña Colada, eat too many chocolate cookies or French fries, have sex and then a cigarette, or any combination of these. 😊

And what if vulnerability was not only part of human experience, but also a gift, and a sign of strength?

As soon as I started to earn money, I booked therapy sessions. It helped me a lot. I felt safe, heard and… impatient. Often, I was crying and felt frustrated: “I’m spending my salary to sit here and cry, when will it end?”. My therapist kept saying “It’s ok, we have time, do you want a tissue?”

20+ boxes of tissues later, during another session, as she was smart, bold and a real pro, she provoked me and pissed me off. It was the first time that I felt anger physically, with such precision. I felt heat moving from my stomach up to my throat. I heard myself saying a firm and loud ‘NO’. She did it to wake me up. Before that, I was unable to feel anger. Sadness was more comfortable, I got used to it. Rage? Gosh, such a dangerous and foreign territory!

Recently however, when I felt sad, angry and frustrated, I closed myself in the bathroom (safest space ever!), took a deep breath and screamed so loud (twice!), that I was surprised that no one called the police. It was worth it. Immediate relief and such a sense of power. Priceless. I respect my neighbours but sometimes (and not too often), you just need to let it out. 😊

If you book a ThetaHealing® session with me, I’ll invite you to go to your childhood memories. I’ll offer a safe space, where you’ll re-connect with your emotions: feel, express and release them. You’ll learn how to take care of the younger version of you, how to mother yourself. With practice, you’ll resist your emotions less. You’ll be less judgmental, gentler and more compassionate with yourself. You’ll be less triggered by other people’s emotions, able to offer them support and empathy, while protecting your own energy. And you’ll accept your own vulnerability.

Modern societies train us to hide our emotions and value intellect instead. Knowledge, logic and certificates are important, yet they’re not sufficient. If you shut your heart down and live only from your head, you’ll get lost. You’ll be easily manipulated. You’ll feel inadequate.

Brené Brown, brilliant researcher on vulnerability, in one of her TEDx talks, says that we cannot numb our emotions selectively. When we avoid anger, shame, sadness or grief, we also diminish our capacity to feel joy, passion, enthusiasm or love. When we wear a thick armour, we fall into perfectionism, extremism, or addictions.

One of my favourite Parisians, an amazing osteopath, said to me after a consultation during which I cried: “Emotions are part of your humanity”. Sounds true, right?!

You’re enough. You don’t need anything or anyone to complete you. You’re a human, not a robot (unless I’m not aware of something😊) and it’s normal for you to experience emotions daily. Yes, they do bring challenges, but also make life juicy. Would you like to release the below limiting ideas that, if you express how you feel:

it will hurt others;
it will scare them;
it will make you unlovable or you’ll get rejected;
it will make you weak;
you’ll lose control;
you’ll get lost in despair forever;
it will separate you from others;
you’ll end up alone?

What would be a more beneficial outlook on emotions? You’re your own healer. When you’re authentic, you’re making it easier for others to do the same. Sharing how you feel, will free you:

“Talking about your pain, fears, concerns, or regrets will not lower your vibration, tangle your chakras, upset your spirit guides, or cause you to attract more of the same. Beyond all doubts, fears, and superstitions, sharing exists as one of the most direct ways to move repressed energy and release all that is ready to be healed through the words only your deepest hurt can convey. You may not feel like the most capable version of yourself when allowing your hurt to speak, but you will step into greater alignment with your inner wellspring of authenticity, where you are free to realize – it’s not a matter of dwelling on what you’ve done, but how boldly you own the wisdom gained.”
Matt Kahn

Be tender with yourself and others. Open your heart a little bit more today. Vulnerability is a sign of strength. Embrace your emotions and express them when talking to a trusted friend (or mum, mums are the best! 😉), through poetry, painting, dance or music…

I don’t encourage you to disclose everything to everyone. Please keep your boundaries strong and be mindful of the context. You’ll not talk in the same way, when in an office, or, when chatting with your bestie over tea… Be flexible and remember: being aware of how you feel and expressing it, is good for you!

In the comments below, answer the following questions, someone will be inspired by your words:

Are you comfortable with expressing your emotions or do you find it challenging?
What emotions do you experience most often?
Which emotions you’re struggling with (if any), and if yes, why?

If you liked this article, please share it!
Want to connect differently? Drop me an e-mail and we can chat!
Take care and remember: you’re precious, special and strong!

With love,
Paulina

“May we spend less time correcting and more time connecting… with ourselves and those around us.”
Matt Kahn

Wishing you a magic New Year!

30 janvier 201918 mai 2021 Paulina Biedugnis Laisser un commentaire

“And now let us welcome the new year, full of things that never were.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

How your 2019 have been so far? Mine was dynamic and intense. Maybe my outbursts of laughter or tears will never stop? Looking at my beautiful mum, I may have inherited a gene making my mood dance like a crazy unicorn. 😀

I wish us all a wonderful New Year and…

The courage to be true to ourselves
To not seek approval outside of our own hearts
To follow our instincts
To keep faith – always – especially when it’s hard
To live fully, fiercely, intensely
To live well
To love with our whole hearts
To commit to what matters and re-commit every day, in spite of having no guarantees
To take risks and be brave
To own both our strengths and shadows
To express our emotions, to feel and honour them
To be gentle with ourselves and other beings
To enjoy space, to declutter, to remove the non-essential
To remember that nothing and no one belongs to us and yet we belong to everything
To value our relationships and people in our lives
To go for our dreams, one step at a time
To create and build
To explore more of this beautiful place (new territories, cultures, tastes, smells, books, songs, ah!)
To believe that we are enough, deeply loved and that life celebrates itself through us
To grow, learn and remain innocent, pure, curious and fresh in spirit
To remain in peace and remember to breathe, when things are turbulent and tough
To flourish and to shine
To let our souls guide us
To have fun in the process
To en-JOY and dance
To live, feel and be here and now, unapologetically, truly, humbly.

The older I get, the more I honour vulnerability, both in me and others:

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.” ~ Brené Brown

Fuerza, la familia – we are all in this together! Have a bright and blessed New Year! 😀

“Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong.” ~ Lao Tzu

“Love is a living, breathing thing. There is no need to force it to grow in a particular direction. If we start by being easy and gentle with ourselves, we will find it is just there inside of us, solid and healing.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

“Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness.” ~ Allen Ginsberg

This time again – my birthday!

28 octobre 201828 octobre 2018 Paulina Biedugnis Laisser un commentaire

« The birth of all things is weak and tender; and therefore we should have our eyes intent on beginnings. » ~ Michel de Montaigne

Hola la familia! 25th of October was my birthday. So grateful for all the lovely wishes, it made me feel loved and special! 😀 I had a delicious dinner and lots of extraordinary red wine with 2 beautiful ladies. Ah! These few past days were intense, both cheerful and challenging. Full moon played its role here, I guess! As every year, it is now time to wrap up, celebrate and make space for the new!

Life is short and a gift that we unpack, create and allow daily. I have my ups and downs, at times I feel vulnerable, overstressed or lonely, but with age (it really sounds like I am getting older!), I feel so much more at peace with myself, others and life itself. I have dreams and a clear direction. I am in love and learning to love deeply and well (this one may take me a few life times!).

I am grateful for sweet presence of beautiful and inspiring people around me. I like my job, most of the time, typically after 10 am when my brain starts to wake up! 😀 I feel supported by friends, family and wise people who I call, when trouble comes. I learn new things every day. I know what makes me feel alive and I try to do it often: dance, movement, art, poetry, music, languages (Arabic and Spanish – may God grant me with patience and discipline to learn them slowly but surely!), nurturing open interactions, travel and spiritual inquiries!

I try to keep balance between some sort of positive routine (security – yes, I need you!) and being spontaneous, adventurous and a little crazy (I got it after my one and only mum). Revolutions are not part of my temper but I can feel in my bones that something is waking up and this New Year will bring some fresh new stuff. Curious what will come my way. I have some ideas, but it is better not to know, surprises are good. 😀

Recently, when I had an intense, sad and a desperate lonely moment, I promised myself to listen to my soul (sounds strange, but this is what came up!). When it feels right in my heart, then it is probably the best thing to do. Please wish me courage. Vive la folie douce! Love to all of you. And love to me too, indeed, joyful gentle love is the best soul food available in store, à volonté, olé! 😀

Please see below a poem I wrote recently. I value space and emptiness more and more. They are so pure and liberating, hope you will enjoy!

Love,
Pau

« I have a great curiosity to see new things, but not to own them. It’s very peaceful this way, and one of the nice things about getting older. » ~ Lee Radziwill

Miss emptiness

I fear you
I honour you
I want you
Please feel welcome
Come, come, come to me
Be my guest
Or rather allow me to be yours
For a brief cup of tea
Let me feel
Your freedom
Lightness of being
Innocence of now

Take everything
Remove all the layers
Wants, desires, fears, attachments
Labels, illusions and aspirations
Put everything to the sacred fire
Let it burn, burn, burn
Let it go, go, go
So that I can simply be
In this vast spaciousness
In this pure openness
In here and now

I am on my way home
Leaving my suitcase behind
No keys, no wallet, no passport
I am naked and my heart is open
Ready to jump into the abyss
Of no-thing
I am afraid – deep down
I know that life will catch me
I trust you miss emptiness
You are so dense with life
Your dance is so full of light
You are breathing yourself in and out
In an endless wind of joy

« My witness is the empty sky. » ~ Jack Kerouac

“One just needs a little alertness to see and find out: life is really a great cosmic laughter.” ~ Osho

“Don’t seek, don’t search, don’t ask, don’t knock, don’t demand, relax. If you relax it comes, if you relax it is there. If you relax, you start vibrating with it.” ~ Osho

“Creativity is the greatest rebellion in existence.” ~ Osho

Nice sound to finish with. I love it. It feels like warm sunny wind on my skin and make me want to travel far away! 😀

***

Thank you! Feel free to share and let me know your thoughts!

***

London calling {my soul}

11 février 201811 février 2018 Paulina Biedugnis Laisser un commentaire

« Don’t force anything. Let life be a deep let go. » ~ Eileen Caddy

My beloved London, in 2017 I was lucky enough to live with you for a very brief while. I was both stressed and grateful, while falling asleep and waking up in your classy arms. I would love to learn more of your lingo, walk again through your frenetic streets decorated with colourful breath-taking art pieces. I want to taste more of your take away surprising dishes and explore your clubs, coffee shops and peaceful sacred spots. I would like to dance at your glory, go to your concerts, run through your parks and gracefully squeeze in your crowded tube. {I am a little size – it is ok if it is tight!} Yes, I am afraid; we do not know each other very well. But I simply cannot ignore my drive to explore and connect. I want to meet your people. I want to lose myself in your hectic and noisy melting pot. One way or another, I will be back. Maybe for a couple of days, a few months or even longer, who knows? Hope you don’t mind? 😉 Anyway, thank you so much for having me, really appreciated the whole bitter-sweet intense and enriching experience!

Magnificent piece of street art on Hanbury Street by artist Dale Grimshaw

« The best bribe which London offers today to the imagination, is, that, in such a vast variety of people and conditions, one can believe there is room for persons of romantic character to exist, and that the poet, the mystic, and the hero may hope to confront their counterparts. » ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I wrote a (not very) sophisticated poem, voilà!

***
London chéri
You are so damn expensive (oh shit!*)
This is how you test someone’s commitment to build a lasting partnership
Many brave hearts play with destiny to get a sense
Of your crazy, intense and colourful spirit
Full of smiley faces and exotic accents
(They all find a common ground after a few drinks)
You are extravagant, sweet, free and fresh
(Also because of the rain, your sky is so capricious and dramatic)
You are hectic, eclectic and business oriented
Yet, you host so many places of worship
Where people pray in countless ways
With same pure, infinite beauty
You taste like a delicious mixture of best dishes from around the globe
I love your vibrant, funky look when you dress to impress on a dance floor
(You never wear tights, I am not sure why)
You politely point out where to look while crossing the street
And how many seconds are left to get to the other side safely
Yet, you make us all feel like non-diagnosed dyslexics
Or headless chickens running against the clock
London – I miss you and your freaky folks
Plus our romantic random lonely walks
Bear with me ~ I’ll be back!
Me enamoré
***

* Nom de Dieu

A few pictures + a few quotes, enjoy!

« It is not what you say that matters. It is what you are and how you live. » ~ Eileen Caddy

“Wild Warrior Women will save the world.” ~ Rune Lazuli

Hyde Park, picture by Virginie Petorin: https://www.virginiepetorin.co.uk/

« Let there be more joy and laughter in your living. » ~ Eileen Caddy

Thanks for reading, what about you – any countries, cities or places that you want to explore? I wish you enjoy yourself and feel home (free + safe + Wi-Fi), wherever you are. 😉

Bittersweet transitions

14 juin 201715 juin 2017 Paulina Biedugnis Laisser un commentaire

“To exist is to dare to throw oneself into the world.” ~ Simone de Beauvoir

Dears,

Life is seasonal, impermanent and unpredictable. Simple and obvious, yet not always easy! I wrote this poem some time ago, while I was going through a transition phase. Back to square one: more changes are ahead of me! I feel happy-sad, grateful and curious. I trust that life will bring me more beautiful surprises and that the best is yet to come. Or rather: the best and only way is to enjoy here and now to the fullest, until you feel the urge to move again. It is like a dance, shall we? 😀

Love,
Pau

“I love rainstorms… the thunder, lightning, wind, all of it. So much going on at once, so many emotions… just like me.” ~ April Mae Monterrosa

***

In between moments

When you leave xyz behind
Saying “merde” and “merci”
(or the other way round)
And slowly but surely
You open the door
To the wild emptiness
Where there is no thing
Only nothing
Pure being
No projects, no intention, no tension
Joyful, unpredictable NOW
Some wishes and hopes
Loosely attached to your open heart
You let yourself be burned
By the caring transition fire
And then you allow the fresh shower of sorrow
To cool you down a little
You clean, declutter and surrender
You have no choice
But to jump in trust
Eyes wide open
You are ready
To let the old go
And slowly let the new
Sink in nicely
You can rest now
And have a soft
(Or a hard) drink*
You simply are
Experiencing, expressing and allowing
LIFE
Cheers!

***
*Let’s say Polish vodka!

“Honour the space between no longer and not yet.” ~ Nancy Levin

***

As always – BIG thank you for reading, sharing and for your precious feedback! 😀

The trip – from Vilnius to Istanbul!

4 juin 20174 juin 2017 Paulina Biedugnis Laisser un commentaire

Paris -> Vilnius ->Eišiškės ->Trakai -> Kapadokya ->Istanbul -> Paris

« Before you cross the street take my hand. Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans. » ~ John Lennon – Beautiful Boy

This was THE trip: 11 days, 5+ cities, 5 flights, 8 kg of luggage, a small cabin backpack and nearly the same outfit during the whole trip (too chilly to dress like a queen haha). For me, it was one BIG adventure. 😀 I was scared to death before leaving my cosy Parisian apartment as I have never travelled alone for more than a few days and without a full plan. I still cannot believe that I did it! What happened was magic and it was the best present I could have hoped for. I feel lucky and grateful.

Lithuania – back to the source.

« Life is more beautiful than prudence » ~ Abbé Pierre

Lithuania, Eišiškės – so green and peaceful.

My journey started in charming and green Vilnius – city of angels who fly at low altitude and (of course!) high speed. My goal was to learn more about my roots.

I rented a car and travelled to the city where my dad was born – Eišiškės. I made a tour of the village, asking questions, meeting locals and searching for a distant cousin or at least some more information on my dad’s childhood. One encounter leading to another, I finally end up in a small house, sitting on a couch with a lovely old couple. The lady’s mom’s maiden name was the same as my dad’s surname. I was a total stranger to them, coming out of the blue, but they treated me like their own daughter, gave me a big-long-warm hug and a kiss. They patiently answered all my questions, showed me a few family pictures and wished me the best of luck for the rest of my trip. I felt honoured and welcome.

I also (finally) understood the meaning of my surname. Indeed, in Poland, where I was born it sounds awkward. In Lithuania, however, it carries a sense. A deep one, haha. “Be dugno” means “without bottom” and “bedugnė” translates into “an abyss”. Hmm, let’s jump in, shall we?! 😀

I even learned (totally by accident!) that there was a village called “Bedugnė”, 60 km from Eišiškės. I did not go there, next time! Who knows, maybe my father’s family comes from there?

I also travelled to Trakai, a pleasant town near Vilnius, famous for its beautiful lakes and a castle. Is also known for the Karaims – people speaking the Turkic language, who have lived there since the 14th century and have preserved their traditions, including food. The most popular dish is kibinai – a small pasty stuffed with minced meat or vegetables. I tried it, of course! It offered me a perfect foretaste of my imminent trip to Turkey.

My stay in « the Jerusalem of the North » was a real treat! I tasted 3 totally different beetroot soups in 2 days, ate the best pancakes ever, drank delicious local beer, discussed about life, sang polish folkloric songs and was touched to tears by a beautiful poem of a lovely Ukrainian artist and graphic designer, who was in love with Vilnius and kind enough to be my companion and private paparazzi during my trip to Eišiškės. Arita, you rock!

Lithuania smelled, tasted and felt home, ačiū and hope to be back soon!

Turkey – from Kapadokya to Istanbul.

“And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.” ~ Erica Jong

Turkey was a totally different story. I started my trip by booking a domestic flight to Kapadokya, a historical region in Central Anatolia known for its unique rock-cut temples, houses, beautiful valleys and underground cities. I stayed in a pleasant hotel near Göreme, recommended by Moroccan Nomad – very good travel website in French.

My dream was to participate in a hot-air balloon flight. I did it! At first, it was scary. Indeed, the balloon itself is HUGE, the basket, on the other hand, is pretty small and you fly high! Hopefully I was not totally conscious of the danger as they woke me up at 4 am. However, I fully trusted the pilot as I had a competent local guide who recommended a good company and offered a very competitive price. Teşekkür, Umut, yourself and your wife made my stay in Kapadokya relaxing and enjoyable, not to mention the delicious food!

I visited a few valleys and the Derinkuyu underground city. It felt so peaceful and liberating to see real open landscapes, instead of a casual open space in my office, regardless of how high tech and well-designed it is. Eating a breakfast on a sunny terrace with a view was priceless!

The next and final stop was Istanbul. I visited Hagia Sophia (under reconstruction, yet still impressive!), the Blue Mosque and the Galata Mawlavi House Museum. This is the oldest Mawlavi house in Istanbul or a temple for Islamic Sufi believers, also known as tall hatted Whirling Dervishes. Sadly, I did not see an authentic Whirling Dervish dance performance. Next time in Turkey I will make sure to come to Konya to check it out! I so much enjoy visiting sacred places, in both Vilnius and Istanbul there were plenty of them.

That being said, while in Istanbul, I also went to the business district, where I had a lunch with my colleagues. Video conferences are good, but face to face meetings are better! I proudly used my access card to enter the local office. I also grabbed a snack from the pantry. 😀

During the whole travel, I came across many great free spirits from all walks of life. The people I met and the time spent together made this trip truly memorable. I learned so much. It opened my eyes and gave me a fresh and totally new outlook on my current situation (which is pretty good, thanks, God!).

I took every possible mean of transportation (ships rock!). I walked like crazy, climbed every hill and entered every cave I could (the more difficult it was the better!). I enjoyed delicious food and drinks in charming company. I went to Turkish baths (unique experience, especially the bubble wash!). I laughed so much, I felt like a joyful, adventurous child discovering the world for the very first time.

Parisian jungle – going back home.

« The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes. » ~ Marcel Proust

Coming back to work was not that bad. My Italian boss knows how to talk to me: “you were missed”. Oh, merci! I am very grateful to have a decent and interesting job so that I can spoil myself with such magic moments. Actually, I will need to check, but it did not cost that much. I mainly stayed in youth hostels (Downtown Forest & Orient) and had very good prices, especially in Turkey where people currently travel much less due to political reasons. 🙁 I can only say that I felt safe and had no issues at all, except being invited to every single restaurant I was passing near to, as, of course; it was absolutely the best in town and I could expect a special personal discount! 🙂

Words cannot express the joy, freedom and peace I felt during this trip. I was touched many times by the beauty of nature, architecture and people’s stories. I connected to the wild, adventurous and brave part of myself. I am a nomad. We all are. We are not meant to stay in front of the same screen, regardless of how high-tech and big it is, for 10+ years, checking e-mails and resolving tickets (those who work in big companies will understand!). Again, I am very grateful to be a part of an international team in a solid firm that offers great opportunities. Yet, my soul yearns for fresh air, new experiences, adventures and surprises. While looking back at this short and intense trip, I would not change a thing; maybe, I could only be a bit braver, crazier and trusted life and people even more? I consider myself curious and sociable; however, I am still learning to have both my heart and mind open to different people, ideas and experiences.

If you hesitate and are afraid of going somewhere new, then it may be the very exact thing you should do. Be alert. Act prudently, especially that sadly terrorist attacks become common in various destinations globally. Gather all the pieces of information you need ahead of time and then simply trust that everything will go right or even better. As it will!

Love,

Pau

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Please find below more pictures from my trip. Enjoy, thanks for reading, sharing and your precious feedback!

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Vilnius – city of angels who fly at low altitude and the lovely car that we rented.

Eišiškės – my happy face, while waiting for some guidance to find my distant cousins! Credit goes to Arita Golub.

Eišiškės – the house where I found my distant cousins, it felt incredible.

Vilnius – beetroot soup – delicious and fresh!!

Kapadokya – jumping for joy! Credit goes to Talieh Zarab Zadeh, merci, chérie!

Kapadokya, Göreme – food & drinks! Guys – it was great to have you around. 🙂 Credit goes to Talieh Zarab Zadeh.

Kapadokya – hot-air balloon flight, breathing in the space!

Kapadokya – rock-cut temple, one of many.

Istanbul, Orient hostel – view from the rooftop café, ah!

Buttes Chaumont, my favourite park in Paris.

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Thank you, wishing you safe and magic travels! 😀

Party time !!

1 mai 20172 mai 2017 Paulina Biedugnis Laisser un commentaire

Dears,

It has been a long time, since my last article! I wish I had something witty, wise and important to say, but this is it! Hope you will enjoy! 🙂

If it does not match how you presently feel, especially, if you are going through a tough challenge, I am with you, you have my full support.

I am simply sharing my current experience. Expressing my feelings nourishes my soul, makes me joyful and brings me peace.. 🙂

Thank you for passing by.

Love,

Pau

« The road to enlightenment is long and difficult, and you should try not to forget snacks and magazines. » ~ Anne Lamott

Party time

What if life was a big joke?

(Be aware – Big Brother is watching you)

What if God had sense of humour?

What if you had a starring role in a comedy movie?

So let’s playfully play fools

And with a light-open heart

Cherish each moment

Let’s pretend we know the script

Let’s have principles and then break all the rules

Let’s boldly play with fate

Have both fun and faith

With a peaceful pinch of craziness

(It is vital for your mental health)

Show must go on so let’s go baby

Put on your best suit and let’s dance

It is your surprise party

It is your stage-time

The audience is waiting

The music is playing

If you feel nervous

Follow my advice

Get a little tipsy or better – really drunk

I promise, it is worth trying

(In case you have never done it)

At some point, by magic

You will start giggling

Without being able to stop

Your laughter will get louder and louder

And will spread like a wildfire

Gently dissolving every obstacle on its way

***

Finally, one day you will die quietly

You laughed and you loved

It is a happy-sweet-predictable-end

We are all the same

Aren’t we?

***

Please find below a lovely video from one of my dear masters – Mooji. I love his warm, cheerful energy. Relax, this is not too serious, just enjoy the laughter! Watch out, it is contagious! 🙂

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“It doesn’t matter how you pray – with your head bowed in silence, or crying out in grief, or dancing. Churches are good for prayer, but so are garages and cars and mountains and showers and dance floors.” ~ Anne Lamott

P.S. Thanks for reading, sharing, writing a comment and for your precious feedback! 🙂